Dealing with disappointment

I wonder if you can remember what you were doing back in March 2020, as lockdown was enforced in the UK?  At the time, we were living as a family in Winchester.  My daughter Sophie was 20.  She had a dream to go to Australia.  It actually became more than a dream.  She gave in her notice at work, trained up her replacement and finished work on the Friday.  She had bought her ticket and was due to fly out to Australia the following Monday.  How excited was she!  Sophie has always been someone with big dreams who makes things happen.  The year before she flew to Bali.  She had an amazing time, but as her parents, it was a bit scary knowing she was on the other side of the world and there was nothing we could do if she got into difficulty.  

That weekend, there were lots of rumours about changes to travel regulations.  I am not sure we took them too seriously.  Sadly, Sophie found out that Australia was closing their borders, and no one would be allowed in.  Her trip was effectively cancelled at the last moment.  How cruel.  Not only that, but she had finished her job and would spend the next few months at home with her family rather than having an amazing adventure in Australia.  What a massive disappointment!

So that is our daughter Sophie.  What about you?  If I say the word “disappointment,” what feelings and emotions does it bring up in you?

Dealing with disappointment is one of those tough but universal parts of being human. Whether it's a missed opportunity, an unmet expectation, or someone letting you down, it can hit hard.

Here are just a few things that might help you to process your disappointment:

Acknowledge It Honestly - Don’t minimise it or try to instantly move on.  Name the feeling: “I’m disappointed because…” 

Allow Yourself to Feel It - Disappointment hurts because it means you cared.  Let yourself feel frustrated or sad for a bit. Bottling it up or forcing positivity too soon can make it worse in the long run.

Talk to Someone - Vent, reflect, or just feel heard. Sharing disappointment can shrink its power and remind you that you're not alone in the experience.  We’ve all heard the phrase “a problem shared is a problem halved.”

Ask someone to pray with you – Your heavenly father knows you better than anyone else on the outside and maybe more importantly on the inside.  Talking through your disappointments and then giving them to God can really help lighten the load.

Keep Moving - Eventually, when the time is right, take action. Even a small step — a new plan, a different goal, or re-engaging with something that grounds you — starts to shift the weight of disappointment.

We know that time is a healer.  Raw emotion will eventually ease.  Perhaps the best antidote to disappointment is hope.

Hope is the belief or expectation that something good can happen in the future, especially in the face of difficulty or uncertainty. It’s both a feeling and a mindset—a way of emotionally and mentally orienting ourselves toward possibilities, rather than being paralysed by fear and despair.

My daughter Sophie hasn’t made it to Australia yet, but in time, I believe she will, and it will be the right time for her.

I leave you with my favourite verse in all the Bible:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29 v 11

Hold onto that rainbow, your future is just around the corner.

Encouragement

Earlier in the year, I was fortunate enough to go to London to support John Good as he ran his first marathon.  Mim, and the boys and my wife, Jenny, were all on the sidelines looking out for John so we could cheer him on as he ran by.  If you’ve never been, I can highly recommend it; it’s a great day out.  The atmosphere is charged with positivity as people cheer the runners on.  We began positioning ourselves on Tower Bridge.  We literally watched hundreds, if not thousands, of people, all different shapes, and sizes, run by before we saw the majestic figure of John as he came towards us with a great big smile on his face.  He just about had time to give Mim a hug as he stopped for a moment before he was on his way again and disappeared into the distance.  My brother, who has run several marathons, will tell you I can project my voice loudly, so I was just able to shout, “Come on, John, you can do it,” as he ran by.  During the race, we found several places to wait, watch John run towards us and cheer him on.  John finally finished his race.  Wow, what an achievement.  I wonder what his memories are of that day and the support he received, not just by us but by strangers all along the course shouting, “Come on, you can do it.” 

I mentioned my brother.  He is called Duncan.  He is two years younger than me and was born prematurely.  It meant he wasn’t as strong as his peers and was a slow developer.  I can’t tell you how proud I am of him, despite his struggles in his early years; he has worked hard to find his place in life and has developed into a strong runner.  Then, 5 years ago, out of the blue, he had a heart attack.  He was fit and healthy, so it was a shock at the time.  The worst part for him was that he couldn’t run anymore.  He really missed it, not just the exercise but the social interaction at Park Run.  The good news is that he was able to get back to running last year, and in a couple of weeks, he will be participating in his first half-marathon in Bournemouth.  I will be there on the sidelines, cheering him on and shouting, “Come on, Duncan, you can do it.”

So why all this talk about running and shouting?

There is something about the human condition that naturally makes us respond to encouragement and positive words.  In fact, one of the five love languages is speaking words of affirmation (If you’ve not read the book, it is well worth getting a copy).

Imagine John and my brother turning up to run, and there being no support on the side of the road.  They would be running in silence.  

Encouragement is like fuel for the soul.  It provides the necessary motivation to keep going, especially when facing difficulties or uncertainty.  A kind word or gesture can reignite someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence, reminding them of their worth and potential.

The benefits of encouragement extend far beyond boosting morale.  Individuals who receive regular encouragement experience improved mental well-being and increased resilience.  Encouragement fosters a sense of belonging and connection, reminding us that we’re not alone in our struggles.

In the book of Thessalonians, chapter 5, verse 11, it says, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”  This passage highlights the significance of uplifting and encouraging others, emphasising the positive impact it can have on both individuals and communities.

In closing, I would like to suggest we make a conscious effort to be like those people on the side of the road at the marathon who shout, “Come on, you can do it.”  More specifically, why not think of someone you can support and encourage?  Send them a WhatsApp message, drop them an email, or maybe even pick up the phone to see how they are doing.  As a church, if we all encouraged just one person each, it would make a big difference.  “Come on you can do it.”

Big church day out

I have just come back from Big Church Festival in West Sussex.  I didn’t see anyone from Ocean Church, so I am assuming I was the only one there from our community.  I thought it would be good to give you an insight into what happens at this amazing event.  

Imagine if you can 35,000 Christians all in one place.   It does your spirit good just to be surrounded by so many like-minded people.  The event started back in 2009, and I was there at that first gathering; it was inspiring, but it was much smaller.  This year saw the most amount of people camping, and the event sold out for the first time.

For 2025, it was moved from the May Bank Holiday to the August Bank Holiday.  We were told about a major shift in the demographic of people attending.  Of the 35,000 people present 50% of them were under 30.  In the past, it had been dominated by older people.  This says something about Gen Z and the uprising of hunger in young people, searching for something more in life.  Each year, there is an altar call, and each year, lots of people give their lives to Jesus.  This year, they had one each evening, and literally hundreds of people gave their lives to Jesus each night.  Something felt different this year.  Many of the International artists playing said they felt revival was coming to Britain.  How many of us have been praying for revival for years and years?  And now suddenly it feels like we are on the cusp.  It was evident that the format was the same, but the atmosphere was different.  

I can only convey that worshipping with thousands of other Christians, with the focus being purely on Jesus, was a glimpse of what heaven will be like.

Do you know there wasn’t one policeman on site?  I didn’t see any arguments or aggression.  Just harmony and people getting along beautifully.  At the campsite site people often broke out in singing worship songs; it felt perfectly natural even though we don’t see it every day.

As with many large events, there are multiple stages.  This year, the worship tent seemed more popular than the main stage.  There was a hunger in people to draw near to God.  We may have felt it for years, but to actually see it in reality made the hairs on the back of your neck go up.  People queueing up and packing in like sardines to worship Jesus.  It’s what this country needs.

This might sound a bit random, but trust me, there is a point to this.  I remember sitting next to my driving instructor when he told me I had passed my driving test.  What he said was, “today you passed your test, but today is also the day when you start to learn to drive.”  My point is this year was a great event, but it is so much more than the experience itself.  It is about being inspired, being open to change, being ready to be radical, and being ready for revival when it comes.  So, get ready!

For many of us, life is a challenge.  We are living with things that are difficult to deal with.  They can get us down.  Our joy tanks can run empty.  Going to an event like this can give us hope.  We remember to look up rather than look down.  We realise we are not on our own. Our circumstances haven’t changed, but somehow with God’s help, we can keep going.  He gives us hope for the future.  

So, I don’t know what you are planning for next August bank holiday, but I can’t recommend enough the opportunity to go and experience Big Church Festival for yourself.  Maybe a group of us can camp together and worship together.   Bring it on!

When one and one can equal three

It’s a sunny Saturday morning and I have been busy in my garden.  I then felt compelled to stop what I was doing and to go and sit at my computer.  The only word I have at the moment is “talents”.  So, let’s see what comes from pondering on this subject for a while.

Well, first of all, we all have them!  So, as you read this, no one is exempt, including you.  Talents are not earned, they are given.  Given by our heavenly father who gives good gifts to his children.  So, a big question is, do you know what yours are?  Perhaps you could get a piece of paper and write them down.  Hopefully, you can think of a number of talents that you have.   Looking at your list, have a think about how you are using your talents.  Are there some that are more prominent than others, and are there some that you don’t really use at the moment?

What I see in your list of talents is ingredients for a cake.  On their own, they have limited use and might spend a lot of time in the cupboard.  But when you put them together, you end up with something that many can enjoy.  That is why we have birthday cakes to celebrate people.

Let’s dig a bit deeper into your talents.  As you look at them, are you using them in your day-to-day life?  Are there ways in which you could use them more at home with your family?  At work, in your community?  God gives us talents so we can use them.  Why not ask God how you can use them more?

I recently went on a course for creative writing and wellbeing.  I can tell you that it has completely opened up my creative writing, and I am using it all of the time.  Sometimes it is about making time for things.  Maybe look at your list of talents and think about one that you would like to develop and invest in.  From my own recent experience, I can tell you it can only be a good thing.

So, we’ve talked about you as an individual and maybe at home and at work, but I would like to finish by asking you how you are using your talents for God?  On the basis that he gave them to you in the first place, he really wants to see you use them for Him.

When I was growing up, I used to get pocket money once a week on a Saturday.  I’m not sure if there is even such a thing these days.  But I would eagerly anticipate getting my coins and going to the sweet shop to buy some sweet peanuts or lemon bonbons.

Think of the talents that God has given you as pocket money.  It can last for a very short amount of time if, like me, you go and spend it in one go.

The idea of the parable of the talents is that you invest what God has given you.  As you use your talents, they can grow.

As a community, we are blessed with an array of talents.  My heart is for us to come together and use them to bless others and to grow in our own faith journey.  As we do this, we will see our talents grow.

Reflection is good

Have you noticed how much of our lives we spend living in the fast lane?  Things seem to come at us on the other side of the road all of the time.  As humans, we learn to react and deal with new situations every day. A bit like facing one of those serving machines in tennis.  It can be relentless.  It can be hard to find time to take stock of our life experiences. 

Living by the sea, I am trying to carve out time during the day to slow down.  Either first thing in the morning, at lunch time, or after work.  It brings such a change of perspective.  Our relationship with nature will impact how much we notice, think about, and appreciate our natural surroundings, and is critical in supporting good mental health and preventing stress.  The fact that we have the sea on our doorstep is a real bonus, one we need to capitalize on.

Why not find yourself a quiet spot where you can connect with nature?  You will begin to connect with your senses, what you see, hear, smell, touch, and taste.  Might sound a bit weird, but tasting something from the earth that is perhaps salty will connect you more with nature.

Reflection is good; it helps us get quiet on the inside. It allows us to process events in our lives, whether they are good or bad.  Rather than leaving them locked up in a potential jack-in-the-box situation, our memories and emotions can be let out and articulated.  A bit like releasing homing pigeons from a cage.  They are free to fly as high as they want before returning home and joining the rest of our memories, feeling they have had time to express themselves.

The fact is, we don’t take enough time to reflect, which is why our emotional tanks can end up on empty.  So, if you can, deliberately take time out to reflect on the busyness of your life on a regular basis, you will begin to benefit from it and see that it is good for your wellbeing.

Why not begin by scoring yourself out of 10 for wellbeing?  If it needs topping up, then take some time out for yourself.

Telling the difference

Can you tell the difference between these two mobile phones?   On the outside, they look very similar, but the reality is that one has a SIM card in it and the other does not.  Can you tell which one?

The same can be said for people suffering from depression or anxiety.  On the outside, they can seem exactly the same as the next person.  But inside, they definitely are not.  Did you know that one in four people in the UK suffers from poor mental health?  Society uses clever words like “wellbeing” to label it.  My view is that the brain can get sick just as much as any other part of the body.  We just cannot see it so visibly.

Based on those government statistics, if you are in a room of ten people, at least two people have mental health issues.  If it is a room of twenty people, it grows to five people.  But in most instances, it is hidden.  People are suffering in silence.

So, what can we do about it?  I think there are a number of things.  We can become better informed.  Have a look at these statistics:

https://www.priorygroup.com/mental-health/mental-health-statistics

We can check in on our family and friends and make sure they are doing okay.  In our Tuesday group that meets at John and Mims, we start with a check-in.  Everyone gets the opportunity to share what is going on in their life, and then we pray for each other.  This is so important and gives people the opportunity to share where they are at.  This can vary from week to week.

If you don’t see members of your family very often, I would encourage you to pick up the phone occasionally and check that they are okay.  During lockdown, my dad was living on his own as my mum had just died.  I was worried he might fall and be left on the floor, so I rang him every day for one hundred days until things started to get back to normal.  I am not suggesting you do that, but stay in touch.  Send a WhatsApp message saying you are thinking of them and asking them if they are okay.

Alongside mental health, loneliness is another issue that many suffer from.  They will never tell you, but many suffer in silence.

Just over a year ago (Dec 24), it was reported that 3 million people in the UK felt lonely often or always.  That is shocking, don’t you think?

As Christians, we should be there for people.  I am sure we all know elderly people who don’t get out much.  Why not invite them over for Sunday lunch?  This is traditionally a family meal.  We can take for granted that we can chat and laugh together whilst others are sitting on their own with only themselves for company.

I know you know this stuff.  Think back to those mobile phones.  Which one has no SIM?  The answer is right in front of you; you just can’t see it.  I hope this blog will raise awareness of people suffering from depression, anxiety, and loneliness.  We have so much to be thankful for, and hopefully, we can reach out to help others less fortunate than ourselves.