Teflon and Velcro
It’s the unjustified email comment. It’s the unfair review. It’s the unsolicited negative comment made by someone who doesn’t know the full picture. And whatever it is, it sticks to us, irritates us, becomes our last thought as we try to sleep. Even though it is often only a small exception to the wider context of our lives, we can obsess about it and let it consume our thoughts.
For most of us, when we hear positive feedback, it is unlikely to have the same impact. It may be nice in the moment but we don’t give those messages the same space to run through and occupy our minds. In the words of psychologist Rick Hansen, “Your brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” This means that our brains tend to hang on to those experiences that are negative with far more grip and force, whereas the positive experiences are far more likely to slide off, leaving little or no lasting impact.
There are possible evolutionary explanations to this. The ‘bad stuff’ that our ancestors may have encountered could potentially have killed them so focusing on them would have been to their advantage in ensuring that they survived. For us, it can be easy to let negative comments or events into our heads, giving them the power to shape our moods or feelings.
How does this relate to the life of faith? The Bible says that we are “fearfully and marvellously made.” (Psalm 139:14) The creation story at the beginning of Genesis says that humankind was created in the image of God and that on seeing all of creation, God saw that it was very good. (Genesis 1) We are told that “Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God.” (Romans 8:39) I could go on. But how easy do we find it to remain mindful of these parts of scripture or do we choose to listen to the other voices that give us contradictory messages?
Knowing that our minds have a bias towards negativity, we may choose to counteract that by reminding ourselves things that are positive or life-giving more often. Perhaps this might involve having a truth or a comforting verse visible in a prominent place. It could mean coming up with a mantra to repeat when we notice ourselves sliding towards downward cycles. We might want to journal or write down affirmations so that we can be more mindful of them.
It can be good to start small. Even recognising when an unwanted thought is bothering us can be useful. Naming it and its effect may reduce its impact. Being kind to ourselves can also help reinforce positive messages. One way I do this is by having a few cards with notes inside that are meaningful from former students next to make desk, making it an easy thing for me to glance at if I need a mental boost.
The God of the universe would want us to thrive and become the best version of ourselves. They want us to live as the “children of God” referenced many times in the New Testament as best we can. To do this, we need to gradually release the lies and distractions that can hook themselves onto our brain and to instead more fully embrace our true identity.
