Standing on the edge

I was in Zimbabwe. The day before I had enjoyed one of the most amazing experiences ever: seeing the incredible Victoria Falls. Today was different. I looked over the edge, heart pounding. I could make out the water in the bottom of the river Zambezi, far, far below. It had seemed like such a good idea yesterday, even earlier this morning, but at the moment of jumping, fear gripped me and I froze.

I could feel the weight of the bungee around my legs, and the harness felt secure. I had seen other people jump and they had loved it. I knew it was safe and a big part of me wanted to do a bungee jump. Or at least be able to say that I had done one.

Time seemed to slow. Or possibly speed up; it was hard to say.

My mind and body lost some of their connection. My brain was desperately trying to communicate with my legs, but the messages weren’t getting through.

Finally I managed to bend my legs, ready to jump, but my legs had turned into jelly. I wasn’t going to be able to do it- I was stuck. But actually, the act of bending my legs had pushed my centre of gravity over the edge of the bridge. Gravity took over and I fell. It wasn’t dignified, didn’t look impressive and certainly didn’t result in the perfect swallow dive photo I had imagined. In fact, I can’t really say with honesty that I did a bungee jump at all. More a bungee fall.

But I did get to experience the wind, the river coming towards me at 100 miles an hour, the jerk of the bungee, and, not least, the absolute certainty that I would die. 

Whenever I tell people this story there is a little twinge of regret. Yes, I did bungee jump off a bridge over the river Zambezi, but it wasn’t quite the spectacular act of bravery I was hoping for.

Some of us who follow Jesus feel the same way when we tell the story of our conversion, or how we started following Him. It might not be a story of miraculous, divine intervention like Paul in the book of Acts on the road to Damascus. It might be a little less spectacular, a little more… mundane. It might even be a fall of gravity rather than a brave step of faith.

Those stories are just as important though and the reality is that they are the culmination of hundreds of little decisions. And, unlike my bungee fall which was definitely a ‘once and done’ event, faith in Jesus is made up of a continual series of decisions to trust and follow. Yesterday’s faith is not enough for today, I need to go again.

And for anyone looking over the edge and wondering whether to go for it and put your faith in Jesus to catch you, maybe it just needs a little bend of the knees and not that great big impossible-seeming leap.